Fragile Masculinity and Hypermasculine Defenses

Why is the worst thing one man can say about another is that he is controlled by a woman, or more precisely, that he is controlled by his need for a woman? The reason is that in this culture, masculinity is defined more by what it is not, i.e., feminine, than by what it is, and anything that is defined primarily by what it is not is necessarily less well-developed, less mature, and more fragile.

Femininity in our culture is generally considered a birthright, something that young women inherit simply by virtue of being female. In contrast, many young…